It’s incredible how many times we can pass by a person without guessing the part it’s gonna play in our lives. I was 21 years old when I met her. We had mutual friends and we usually met at parties. She struck me as a somewhat fashionable and pretty reserved person. The type that chooses very careful her friends, by standards known only by her.
One time, while talking about the latest movies among friends, I commented that I often watch them at my place with my cousin. She said she would also like to see one sometime. And I was surprised. I would never expected she would want to come over. To spend time with me. She even teased me: “why, have you ever invited me?”
It felt good. We all feel good when a picky person chose us among the rest. It’s like we become more valuable in our own eyes. Like the other sees in us a latent potential we failed to see until then. And so we start our Sundays movie time series. We used to spend every Sunday together at my place, having lunch together, watching movies and chit-chatting all day long. She was a very agreeable girl when she wanted to and she became my bestie overnight. I really enjoyed her. She was a life time friend material. Or so I thought.
Every day I discovered more things that I liked about her. She was sending me the cutest texts and she scored pretty well in front of the nazi grammar that I am in my native language. She was very girlie at times, cute and sensible, even if she lacked some self confidence. But that’s why I was her friend, to support her and make her realise the beautiful person that she is.
In time I’ve also found that she was pretty difficult at times and quite moody at others. I didn’t pay much attention to her moodiness and even if we sometimes argued because of that, I accepted it along with her apologizes as part of her difficult personality she admitted she have. I said to myself that nobody is perfect after all. And we had our wonderful times. Unique, irrepetible girlie times. Parties, lots of parties, quality time together, shopping, holidays at the seaside… we’ve even been to Paris together. Us two and her boyfriend that became her husband in the meanwhile and took her with him to UK. We have amazing memories together, but still… she didn’t always had a honey tongue. She was ironic when she didn’t had reasons to be and she sometimes snap at me out of the blue, making me doubt myself and wonder what did I do wrong.
She even did unacceptable things, like mocking my curly brunette friend one time, when they happened to visit both at once. How can someone be so rude to go into someone house and make them feel uncomfortable both the host and the other guest? I will never be able to understand. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. Other things hurt me most. And it wasn’t the fact that she lately begin to manifest an undisguised contempt towards me, my ideas or my choices, which I could still tolerate out of the friendship I still felt for her, but she dared to look down at my family. To judge them, to overflow on them her many prejudices. To analyse and criticize them. That was too much.
After 11 years of friendship, I couldn’t bear anymore. I had enough. I realised that our relationship was degraded and reduced to a merely exchange of expensive gifts that I couldn’t easily afford and weren’t too appreciated anyway. She started to look at my pressies like they were garbage. Nothing was too good for her anymore. I felt like I was making efforts to impress someone who didn’t liked me too much lately. So I thought is time to stop. What was the point in continuing a relationship that wasn’t fair anymore and didn’t make me feel good about myself?
So I didn’t write her any text for three months, since her visit in Romania, that was also the last time I saw her. She didn’t bother to write either. It was the first Christmas we didn’t send our best wishes. In January was her birthday and of course I congratulate her. She bothered to answer only the next day, when she finally was in the mood to waste a minute with me. I didn’t write back anymore. I felt hurt in the first three months before Christmas, but now, after another ten months, I’m finally at peace. It just wasn’t made to be.
Sometimes I browse the pictures album she gave me on our tenth Friendiversary. Where did those lovely moments go? Was she the friend of my heart? Or just a friend I tried too hard to polish to fit my idyllic concept of friendship?
And what about my kindest, gentle, curly brunette friend? She always been a discreet presence in my life. She never said a single word to upset me and still I kept her at length emotionally. I didn’t do justice to her. I never trust her to become more of what she was, but she’s a very accomplished young woman. She got her bachelor degree and she have an amazing family and a child she raise so lovingly and so at pace with our times… I couldn’t be more proud of her. I couldn’t be more proud to call her my friend. My best girlfriend.